Recently I have been thinking about my emotions, and my lack of controlling them. I have always been an overly-emotional wreck, I mean over the silliest of things. An example: Carving pumpkins on Halloween and my older sister uses the stencil that I wanted to use would cause me to almost hyperventilate. See? Silly right? I can hardly watch any commercial that includes any of the following: Babies, baby animals, proposals, any slow sad song (i.e. Sarah McLachlan), cancer survivors, romantic movie previews and any sort of foundation. I swear, I am a bumbling idiot when it comes to any of those things.
God forbid if I were to drink, even just a tiny teensy weensy little bit. (Insert random family member/friends name whom I have not spoken to in, hmm, let’s say in over a week) “Wahhhh! I miss (name) so much! I’m so sorry I’m so busy all of the time! Wahh I cannot stop crying! Now I am going to laugh because you are laughing at me! Now I am going to cry some more because you are still laughing at me!” -Shauna.
With that being said, I have tried many times to control my emotions by ignoring them completely or holding them back until I am alone. This only leads to utter frustration and anger. If I cannot let out my emotions the second I am feeling them, I will most likely erupt like a volcano full of tears within a few hours.
Not only am I a big cry baby, I also laugh a lot with very inappropriate timing. I can be in a situation alone and see something that makes me want to laugh hysterically but I am in public, all by myself. People would think I was a lunatic. Or I could be with a loved one (normally one of my siblings) who triggers this switch inside of my that I cannot shut off no matter how hard I try. This usually leads to the following noises: Snorting, hee hawing (almost like a donkey), silent choking, and literally saying HAHAHA out loud, emphasis on loud.
This leads me to one of my most embarrassing outbursts.
The time I was in a church during my cousin Olivia’s baptism.
-There I was, sitting/standing (you know how it is in church) next to my sister Chris. It was a beautiful, small, hometown church and it was jam packed full of people! We were stuck in the pews all the way in the back (thank God! No pun intended). There were still people standing up, lined against the back wall and entrance. The service begins and Chris and I hear the Priests’ voice for the first time…oh my word. It was unlike any voice you would expect to come out of any man. He sounded like a twelve year old boy, not only going through “the change” but who was also kicked several times by, let’s say an elephant, in his private area. I cannot control my immaturity in this situation. I start to laugh so hard that my face is turning red and I have tears literally rolling down my face. Mind you, my father is standing on the other side of me giving me the strangest look. My sister has now caught on to why I am laughing and she as well cannot control her redness and tears that come with trying not to laugh. We are both trying so very hard to cover it up by doing that fake cough, but that just made it worse. The two of us finally started to calm down until the Priest proceeds to say the word “Lord” but let me tell you, he traveled down many different octaves to get that word out. I just lost it. With the glaring looks from the local church goers, to my sister telling me that she is going to pee her pants if we don’t stop, I felt like I was going to scream from trying to hold back the laughter. This is a story that the three of us (Chris, my dad and I) love to reminisce about because it was hilarious.
Where was I going with all of this? Oh yes, the fact that I have a hard time controlling most of my emotions. I have completely lost my train of thought though, so I will leave you with this photo:
I am the one with the curly hair, my sister Trisha is in the middle and then there is little Tara boo at the end!